As I sit here with a glass of wine on a friday night I am thinking about my ex boyfriend. It is funny I thought I was done with boyfriends 30 years ago! We have been broken up for over one year but he is still in my mind. I have come though to realize I keep the man who I wanted him to be in my mind not the man he is…. Yesterday he facebooked my grandson and of course ( my ex boyfriend banned me from his facebook and email) I looked at his page. To my horror he was talking to another woman telling her he would meet her later with a bottle of wine and “thank you for putting  a real smile on my face”. Well I was devasted! My 17 year old grandson helped me through by telling me he went through it many times and he is fine. So here I am 55 years old getting love lorn advice from a 17 year old and he was right! The first thing I said was she is not pretty i am much prettier. I went to bed after that thinking about how I felt and how can i judge her and why would it matter who is prettier? Is this a beauty competition? No. Do we judge ourselves on how we look? If I was not pretty would it mean I cannot get a boyfriend? Is my ex boyfriend settling for some one not as good as me ?? Because I think she is not as pretty as me?? Why does it matter to me? I went even further and thought I have always wanted to look so pretty no matter what. We women want to be thin and pretty.  Guess what ? It does not matter it was put in our heads years ago . Be pretty and you will get the “ken doll” as your man.  Maybe one day we will not have beauty contests . Maybe we will realize real beauty is very hidden …………………..

I recently was thinking… when I married I was 18 years old although I had a very hard childhood with an alcoholic mother I really did not have “baggage”. My husband was 19 and he also had a very hard life with an alcoholic father. Who knew children of alcoholic parents do not usually make a good couple? But again we were growing still kids. Baggage was to come much later. Now as I am learning the dating game at 55 years old  I see we all have baggage. We do not know the baggage when we first meet because we have learned to hide it sort of like when you go to the airport and try to put some away so they do not see it all. Sometimes we have so much baggage it all will not fit in the house. The problem is some of us refuse to get rid of some of it we just hold onto it and try so hard to fit it into the house……

There should be a forum for people who are single and in their 50’s to share their experiences. I have been divorced a little over four years after a thirty one year marriage.  I have found others in my situation who believe their feelings of this strange new world are unique when in fact there are many who feel the same way. We can learn from each other. During this time I have met many people who have shared with me and I have shared with them. We have learned from each other. We are all on a path in life. This path takes many turns and has many ups and downs. I have made this blog as a place for all of us”single and 50″ people to share our lives and maybe help each other gain knowlege to find true peace and happiness!