past and present
As I sit here with a glass of wine on a friday night I am thinking about my ex boyfriend. It is funny I thought I was done with boyfriends 30 years ago! We have been broken up for over one year but he is still in my mind. I have come though to realize I keep the man who I wanted him to be in my mind not the man he is…. Yesterday he facebooked my grandson and of course ( my ex boyfriend banned me from his facebook and email) I looked at his page. To my horror he was talking to another woman telling her he would meet her later with a bottle of wine and “thank you for putting a real smile on my face”. Well I was devasted! My 17 year old grandson helped me through by telling me he went through it many times and he is fine. So here I am 55 years old getting love lorn advice from a 17 year old and he was right! The first thing I said was she is not pretty i am much prettier. I went to bed after that thinking about how I felt and how can i judge her and why would it matter who is prettier? Is this a beauty competition? No. Do we judge ourselves on how we look? If I was not pretty would it mean I cannot get a boyfriend? Is my ex boyfriend settling for some one not as good as me ?? Because I think she is not as pretty as me?? Why does it matter to me? I went even further and thought I have always wanted to look so pretty no matter what. We women want to be thin and pretty. Guess what ? It does not matter it was put in our heads years ago . Be pretty and you will get the “ken doll” as your man. Maybe one day we will not have beauty contests . Maybe we will realize real beauty is very hidden …………………..
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My name is Kathy. I am 55 years old. I have two dogs and a cat. I work with seniors. I am an Executive Director in a retirement community.I love my job and my life!